


Dear Zayn

by teamlarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Dear john, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-11
Updated: 2013-07-11
Packaged: 2017-12-19 04:04:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/879253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teamlarry/pseuds/teamlarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the movie 'Dear John'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Zayn

The meeting. The meeting between Zayn and Niall. You probably all want to know how they meet each other. Well, I’m going to tell you.

Niall was on holiday and stayed at a house in London from his friends, Harry and Louis. He walked down the street every day. Just sightseeing and get to know the famous buildings. 

Zayn lived in London with his dad. He had a break from his work for two weeks. It wasn’t much, but he missed London and really wanted to go back there. He didn’t talk much with his dad. Zayn thought he was.. weird. Or, maybe ‘weird’ wasn’t the good word to define his dad. Zayn actually didn’t had a good word to define his dad. 

Then, the meeting. How Niall and Zayn met each other. 

Niall walked down the street with his friends, Harry, Louis and Liam. Zayn sat on a platform, drinking something. He heard a voice, Niall his voice. He looked at the guys across the street. One of the guys grabbed Niall his mobile phone and threw it in a puddle. Zayn frowned and looked at the phone in front of him. Niall sighed and walked to Zayn. Zayn stood up and picked up the phone. He gave it back to Niall with a smile on his face. 

“Thank you.” Niall said with a wide smile on his face. “Those guys, I call them my friends.” Niall laughed and Zayn laughed because of him. Niall’s laugh made Zayn laugh too. 

Niall invited Zayn to ate dinner with them at their house. At first Zayn didn’t want to go, but when Niall kept insistence to go with him, Zayn agreed. They talked and talked and talked. Like friends always do. Friends talk a lot, just like they did. 

That night, it was full moon. “Have you ever noticed how big the moon is when it rises and how little it is when it’s up in the sky?” Niall said, looking in the air. Zayn looked at the moon. “It’s just the perspective. It doesn’t matter where you are, if you hold up your hand and close one of your eyes,” Niall did what Zayn said and continued. “it’s never bigger than your thumb.” 

Niall laughed. “Where did you learn that?” “I have no idea.” Zayn replied, causing Niall to smile. 

But Zayn had to leave, even how badly he wanted to stay here with Niall, he had to. 

“I guess I’ll see you soon then.” Zayn said to Niall. Niall smiled back politely. 

“I’ll see you soon then.” Niall answered, and Zayn smiled. 

Zayn and Niall had fun that night, together, and they decided to arrange more. And more. And more.

Zayn met Liam, a good friend of Niall, and his son, Allan. Allan was a sweet guy, but had a chronic illness, he was autistic.

Niall met Zayn his dad. It was on a Sunday, so they had chicken for dinner. His dad always made chicken on Sunday, it was Zayns favourite food. Normally, Zayn and his dad didn’t talk. Niall saw his dads collection of coins. He was really interested in the collection, something Zayn wasn’t at all. Well, not anymore. 

And every time they went apart, they said the same to each other. 

“I’ll see you soon then.” 

After two weeks, Zayn had to leave again. He had to go back to his work, the army. But the day before Zayn had to leave, they had a fight. A fight about his dad. Niall said to Zayn he recognized some things in his dad. Things Allan had too. Niall said he thought Zayn his dad was autistic too. Zayn flipped, screamed and shouted at all the people and friends Niall knew. 

The next day, Zayn came to the house Niall stayed, but he wasn’t there anymore. Liam, who lived next door, said he left. He left the house to go back to his hometown, Mullingar. That was where a special thing began. Writing letters to each other.

I love you X Zayn

That was the first letter Zayn wrote. After that, Niall came back and they talked. Zayn accepted the fact his father was autistic and they hugged and laughed. They ate chicken, because it was Sunday, and spend the night together. 

But Zayn really had to leave for work now. 

\--

Dear Zayn,

Two weeks together, that’s all it took. Two weeks for me to fall in love with you.

Now, we’ve one year apart. But what’s one year apart, after two weeks like that together. You made me a promise. A promise I know you’ll keep. So I only want one more promise from you during this time we spent apart. Tell me everything. Write it all down, Zayn. Scroll in a notebook. Type it out, email it to me. I don’t care, but I want to know everything. And that way we will always be with each other all the time, even when we’re not with each other at all. In that way, before we know it..

I’ll see you soon then.

Love,

Niall

 

Dear Niall,

A promise. A promise I’ll see you soon then. A promise I’ll write all the time. A promise I’ll tell you everything. Be patient with me. It will take a while for these letters to get back to you. We’re deployed out on a mission. The problem is, we can’t exactly use the local post offices. And there’s no such a thing as internet connection. So I have to send everything here out, from where I am. 

Unfortunately I’m not allowed to say where ‘here’ exactly is. So only I can say about this place where we’ve been sent, is that I miss Ireland and England very much. And the lack of everything, what looks like Mullingar or London, makes me missing it even more. And by everything around me makes me miss you even more. We move around a lot. So the letters come late, or not in order. We should number our letters, so that we know when we wrote them. But when they finally got here, it’s a good day. And when they don’t, it’s not. But I know they’ll still come. I know it. 

Love,

Zayn

 

Letter number 3

Dear Zayn,

There’s so much I want to say to you, but I’m not sure where I should begin. Should I start by telling you that I love you? Or that the days I’ve spent with you have been the happiest in my life? Or that in the short time I’ve known you, I’ve come to believe that we were meant to be together? I could say all those things and all would be true, but as I reread them, all I can think is that I wish I were with you now, holding your hand and watching your elusive smile.

In the future, I know I’ll relive our time together a thousand times. I’ll hear your laughter and see your face and feel your arms around me. I’m going to miss all of that, more than you can imagine. You’re a gentleman, Zayn, and I treasure that about you. In all time we were together, you never pressed me to sleep with you, and I can’t tell you how much that meant to me. It made what we had seem even more special, and that’s how I always want to remember my time with you. Like a pure white light, breath-taking to behold.

I’ll think about you every day. Part of me is scared that there will come a time when you don’t feel the same way, that you’ll somehow forget about what we shared, so this is what I want to do. Wherever you are and no matter what’s going on in your life, when it’s the first night of the full moon –like it was the first time we met- I want you to find it in the night-time sky. I want you to think about me and the week we shared, because wherever I am and no matter what’s going on in my life, that’s exactly what I’ll be doing. If we can’t be together, at least we can share that, and maybe between the two of us, we can make it last forever. 

I love you, Zayn Malik, and I’m going to hold you to the promise you once made me. If you come back, I’ll marry you. If you break your promise, you’ll break my heart.

Love,

Niall

 

Letter number 8

Dear Zayn,

I’m back in London with Louis and Harry this weekend. And they have some guests you may know. Liam brought Allan with them today. He’s such a sweet young kid. We had a lot of fun today. We just joked around and watched movies, like we always did together. We walked together through London. Harry and Louis were having a little fight together, but ended up kissing under the bridge. Together with Liam, I went to a riding school. It was Allan’s first time on a horse. I’ve heard horses are somehow able to smell danger, do you think they will also smell evil? Well, I think autistic kids have that too, so.. I have this idea. This dream. I want to open up a summer camp for autistic kids. Liam said he hadn’t seen Allan this happy before. They loved my idea. A place where they can ride horses as much as they want. For at least once in their life, a place where they don’t have to worry about a thing. What do you think? My dream? Maybe it sounds a bit girly, but it’s my dream. Something I want to fight for. 

Love, 

Niall

 

Letter number 33

Dear Niall,

The good news is that we’ve been sent out somewhere else. Other, I can’t tell that where you is, you know. The bad news is, by this place, it makes me miss the old place. But it’s a full moon here tonight, what makes me think of you. Because I know, what even I’m doing, or wherever I am, this moon will always be the same size as yours. Only a half world away. 

Love, 

Zayn

 

Letter number 34

Dear Zayn,

Most nights I fall asleep worrying about you. Wondering where you might be out there. But not tonight. Tonight you’re here with me. I visited your dad yesterday. Summer is almost over and I wanted to see him before I went back to Mullingar again. I hope that’s okay. He made dinner for me. It was Sunday, so we ate your favourite food. Chicken. I got him talking about his coins. So we had plenty of conversation. When I asked him what his favourite coin was, he showed me one. But when I asked him what’s the story behind it, he didn’t answer. So I ask you, Zayn, wherever you might be. 

What’s the story?

Love,

Niall

 

Letter number 35

Dear Niall,

Only because I promised you to tell you everything, I’ll tell you. When I was seven years old, I bought an ice cream corn. On the way home I noticed that the pound wasn’t actually a pound. When I got home, I gave it to my dad. He washed it clean, so the coin became easier to see. My dad didn’t know what it was. It was not a normal pound, it was different than the others. We went to a special shop, a store specialized in coins. But the man said he’d never seen this before. He said it was a ‘mule’. It was a false coin. Sometimes they make mistakes when they make coins. Remember the horse sense where you were talking about? My dad has that too. When the man asked to sell the coin, he didn’t. A voice in his head said he had to look for another man. Another man who spoke the truth, because his man didn’t. So, we went to another store. I remember when the man asked: “You know what this is?” When we replied with a simple “no”, he began to search for something. He pulled out a folder. On the front page, you saw the coin. “Look at that. That’s your coin.” He said to us. “You want my advice? Dad to dad? Keep it. Hold on to it. Pass it to your son. And he will pass it to his son, and so on. And let me say you something, 30, 40, hundred years later, the coin will be more worth than 4000 pound. I promise you.” Than my dad asked, “You want to keep it?” I nodded. My father thanked the man and we went home. First I loved haunting to these coins together with my dad. We finally had something to talk about. Something we could do together. But then he became obsessed with them. You know how he is. And then I became a teenager, and you know how I am. I didn’t want to go with him to another coin show every weekend. He spend all our money to coins, and other household things became less important. Eventually he stopped talking with me about coins. And when that happened, we didn’t had a lot left to talk about. So, that’s the story.

I miss you so much it hurts, Niall.

Love, 

Zayn

\-- 

Zayn got permission to go home in the weekend, and so he did. He had a deal. The other boys asked for permission to extend their service for the army. They got a weekend of, but had to be back on Monday. They got time to think about it. “Where my team goes, I’ll go.” That’s what their team leader had said to them. That sentence haunted in his head. He couldn’t abandon his team, but Niall? 

Zayn informed Niall about the weekend off, who was waiting for him on the airport. When Niall saw Zayn walking through the doors, he immediately ran to him. He jumped over the trellises and ropes, and ran into Zayn his arms. It was the most adorable thing ever. They missed each other so much. 

Niall drove him home, to his house. The house where his dad still lived. Niall had asked to Zayn’s father if he would like to join them when Zayn and Louis went to Niall’s family. Zayn’s father agreed with the idea. But when they were in the car, he flipped. He didn’t want to go anymore and they drove them home. Zayn felt embarrassed about his dad, but didn’t say that to Niall. Although, Niall could see Zayn hated his dad for this.

Zayn and Niall got a hearty welcome. Liam and Allan were there too. Zayn got introduced to Niall his parents. Zayn and Niall’s father got into a talk about the army, Zayn’s work. Zayn told Niall’s father he had to go back and Niall heard it. Niall was disappointed in Zayn. He thought they told each other everything. 

“Two more years, Zayn.” Niall said. “Do I have a say? Do I have a say in this?” Niall whispered, on the edge of crying. 

“What do you want from me? Do you want me to quit? Tell me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I want to stay here. I want to stay here with you. Of course, I had a plan. I just don’t know what’s the right thing to do, Niall.” Zayn panicked. He didn’t know it anymore. After that incident, they hugged, they kissed, they did all the things that were possible to do in eighteen hours. 

And the next morning, Zayn had to leave again. He had to go back to the army. Zayn said goodbye. Goodbye to his dad and goodbye to Niall. They kissed for a few minutes, but then Zayn really had to go. They gave each other their last kiss. Niall with tears in his eyes. Zayn with a big gaping hole in his heart. 

“So, I’ll see you soon then.” He muttered. Niall produced a watery smile on his face. “I’ll see you soon then.” Zayn turned around and walked away. 

Zayn and Niall continued writing to each other. Months flew by. Niall started to miss Zayn more and more every single day Zayn was not with him. And suddenly, after days and days waiting, Niall didn’t write Zayn anymore. He stopped with it. Zayn was confused and didn’t know the reason why Niall stopped writing to him. 

Months later, Zayn received a letter again. A letter from Niall. 

\--

Dear Zayn,

I know it’s been way too long since I last wrote you. I’ve been staring at this empty page for the last two hours. To be honest, I’ve been staring to it for the last two months. Please forgive me for what I’m about to say now and know that this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my whole life. 

My life without you has no meaning and I can’t deal with it anymore. I’m so sorry, Zayn. 

There’s someone else. Someone else who made me happy. Don’t be mad, please. Not at me and not at him. He’s a great guy and he needs me. We make each other happy. Don’t be mad, Zayn.

And there’s something else. I don’t know how to say it else than this, but I’m already engaged with him. 

Niall

\--

Zayn was heartbroken. He didn’t even send a letter back to Niall. He just couldn’t deal with the empty feeling in his body, in his heart. It was too much for him. He better had the feeling he had months ago, when he didn’t answer on his last letter, than that he broke up with him. Cause that’s what he did. He kind of broke up with Zayn. And the fact he was already engaged with someone else, didn’t make it any better. It only made the feeling worse. He wanted Niall. He still wants, but Niall was not his anymore. It was over between them.

The next day they sat in the tanker. Zayn lived in a haze, he didn’t know what happened. 

Suddenly a man stopped them. He panicked and screamed in another language, a language Zayn didn’t understand, one none of them understood. 

Zayn came out the tanker and walked at the place where the man pointed at. It was a high building, but it didn’t matter to Zayn anymore. He walked into the building with another guy. He searched for something special. Something strange. He knelt and when he stood up and turned around. He saw a man with a revolver. The other second, he only felt pain. Pain at the place he got shot.

\--

“Welcome back, sergeant Malik.” Was the first thing he heard again. He slowly opened his eyes and saw a nurse standing next to him. 

One week passed by and Zayn had enough of it. He wanted to do something. The feeling Niall gave him gnawed on him. He got crazy of the empty feeling in his chest. Zayn dressed up in his normal clothes, his uniform. He went back to the military base. 

\--

Two years later, his team leader came to his place. He got a phone call from the hospital. It was about his dad, he was in the hospital. It didn’t go well with him. Zayn went back home, to the hospital. He wrote a letter, for his dad. He read it to his dad.

\--

Dear dad,

There’s something I’ve been dying to tell you. Remember a few years back? When I got shot? Do you know what the first thing was what came up in my mind, right before I blacked out? 

Coins.

Suddenly I was eight years old again. I was on that tour on the UK mint? I was listening to a guy who explained how coins were made. How they got punched out a piece of ore, how they were framed and flattened. How they stamped and cleaned. How each coin was examined, just in case one of them got slipped through their fingers. 

Remember that, dad? Remember our trip to Bradford? 

That’s what popped up into my head. I’m a coin in the UK Army. And I was wrought in the year 1993. I’ve been punched from cheap metal. I’m in stamped and cleaned. My edges have been processed and flattened. But I have two small holes in me. It’s no longer in perfect condition. What do you think of that? We’re just a bunch of failures. 

There’s one more thing I want to tell you too. After I got shot, before I blacked out. You want to know what was the last thing what popped up in my mind? The very last thing? 

You.

You were the very last thing I thought about, dad. 

\--

And Zayn cried. He went back to his home, the place where he met Niall. He cried and cried. And not only about his dad.

Four days later, he sat in the church, all by himself. This was the place his dad got sepulchred. Zayn only wanted to do one thing. Wanted to go to one person before he did something else. Niall. He wanted to see Niall.

And so he did. He stepped out of his car and saw Niall standing in the manage. Zayn stood still and so did Niall. Zayn looked at him. He missed him so much. So much it hurt. 

“Zayn.” Niall whispered with a little smile on his face. He was happy to see Zayn again. 

“What brings you home?” Niall said. Zayn looked at him, still didn’t say anything. “It’s my dad.” Zayn said eventually. “How is your dad?” Niall smiled. Zayn shook his head and looked at the ground. Niall was shocked. “No..” He muttered. ”I’m so sorry.” He apologized. 

Zayn looked around. “You finally did it, didn’t you?” Niall bit his lip.

“Camp horse sense.” “No, I didn’t. I tried, but it didn’t work out.” 

They got inside together. Niall was alone. His husband wasn’t there. They talked a bit. The phone rang and Niall walked out of the living room. Zayn looked around and saw a picture. It was the picture of the wedding. A picture of Liam, Liam and Niall. That he was shocked was an understatement. Really, Liam? 

\--

“He wants to see you.” Zayn didn’t look at Niall, only at the picture on the windowsill. 

“What?” Zayn said finally.

“Li- Liam?” He said with teary eyes. He didn’t understand it. Why Liam? He knew Liam was sick, but why did he marry Niall, the love of his life? Liam knew how Zayn felt about Niall, how did he dare?

“After the diagnose he was so optimistic.” Niall said, a little proud of Liam. 

“He wasn’t worried about himself, only thought about Allan. That was inspiring. Only after the cancer spread to a worse stadium, I noticed a big change.”

“What kind of cancer was it?” 

“Lymphoma.” Niall answered. 

“Liam didn’t want to spend the time he had left locked up in a room, so basically he spent all his time here. Sometimes with Allan.” 

They walked into the hospital and Zayn saw Liam. He looked at him and Allan. Allan ran to Niall. 

“Can I get a crumble cake?” Niall smiled and nodded. Niall and Allan walked away. Zayn looked at Liam. Liam looked back. For a minute they said nothing to each other. 

“I guess you want to kick my ass, huh?” Liam looked at him. He was sorry. Sorry about what happened. 

“I can’t do much about it.” Zayn muttered and sat down on the table. 

“It’s all part of my master plan.” Liam said. Zayn looked a little confused at him. But then he realized. Liam’s plan was good. It was a good plan. He married Niall, so he could take care of Allan when he died. It was a good plan. Zayn had to admit that. 

“I love him.” Liam said, a little smile on his face. The look in his eyes when he looked at Niall, was love. Love and thankfulness. 

“Everything what happened in my life before is gone now and swiped clean. I wanted to tell you, Zayn. I really wanted to tell this to you. And I’m sorry.” He whispered. 

“I’m sorry for how it happened, you so far away.” Zayn shook his head. He didn’t know what to say. Liam was a friend of his. At least, he was years ago. But he understood him. Zayn understood Liam for what he had done. Zayn would do the same thing if he was in Liam his position. 

“But now I know Allan will always have someone who will take good care of him. He will always be in good hands.” Liam said slowly and tired. Tired of talking and staying awake all the time. A sigh left Liam’s mouth. Zayn looked at the ground, while Liam looked at Niall. 

“He still loves you, you know.” Zayn looked up.

“You can see it all over his face.” Zayn swallowed. Niall went on.

“I wish it wasn’t the case, but she never looked at me the way she looked at you, Zayn.” Zayn looked confused. Niall didn’t love Liam? Or well, maybe he did. But not in the same way as he loved Zayn. Butterflies flied through his stomach. Niall still loved him. 

“You should know that.” Zayn frowned. What should he do know?

\--

“I’d never thought it would run out so fast.” Niall said, looking through the window in the car. His hands enclosed the handlebar. 

“Stay for dinner.” They looked at each other. Zayn nodded.

\--

Zayn and Niall had dinner. Niall told different things about his life. Things Zayn didn’t know. It was about the last years. The ones when Zayn was away, not in London anymore. Zayn couldn’t keep his eyes of him. Staring was the only thing what he could do. Zayn didn’t listen to Niall. 

“Why are you looking at me that way?” Niall chuckled. 

“What do you mean? How do I look at you?” Zayn denied he was staring at Niall. 

“Differently.” Niall looked at the table. 

“I don’t know how you want me to look at you.” Zayn replied. “You’re different.” Zayn said when he looked into Niall’s deep blue eyes. They still looked like an ocean. He such had beautiful eyes. Niall sighed and chuckled slightly. 

“I don’t know but..” Zayn said. He laid down his fork and sighed.

“I don’t know why I came here. And what are we doing?” Niall looked confused.

“ I mean, we’re sitting, eating and talking here, but no one is actually saying something.” 

“What do you want me to say? Where do you want to talk about?” Zayn looked at him for minutes and suddenly he broke.

“Why didn’t you call me?” His voice sounded broken and so was Zayn. He was tired of this and wanted answers. His heart hurt and he wanted Niall back, so badly. Niall looked sore.

“I mean, didn’t I deserve any more explanation than that letter?” Niall looked at the table.

“You could call me and gave me a chance to change your mind.” .. “Don’t you think you owe me that?” Zayn his voice got louder, he almost screamed at Niall.

“I couldn’t.” Niall whispered softly. 

“You couldn’t?” Zayn screamed. “You thought that little of me that you couldn’t call me? Why?”

“Because I couldn’t.” Niall looked into Zayn his eyes, trying to calm him.

“Give me an answer. Why not?” Zayn said furious.

“Because I couldn’t.” Niall repeated again.

“I want an answer.” Zayn shouted loudly.

“Because if I only heard your voice, I would’ve changed my mind.” Niall screamed with tears in his eyes. Niall stood up and walked through the living room. 

“Is that why you came here, Zayn? To hear this from me?” His hand clamped in his hair.

“You think it was tough there, and it was easier for me without you?” Zayn stared at Niall. Waiting till his rage was gone.

“You didn’t think that every single day in my life was a marathon without you here?” A tear streamed down his face. 

“Liam was sick. He needed me.” Niall said loudly. “He needed me to help him with everything, with Allan. I was alone and had no idea what I was doing.” Niall began to cry. 

“I didn’t plan it. I didn’t know this was going to happen to me. But it did.” Zayn stood up and Niall did a step back.

“Didn’t you think I tried it? I picked up the phone for a 1000 times, trying to call you.” Zayn walked slowly towards Niall. “You really think I wanted to stand here in front of you like this.” Again his hands clamped in his hair, tears streaming down his face. Zayn looked at him, apologetically. He wrapped his arms around Niall. Niall clung to Zayn, tears rolling over his cheek. Zayn didn’t want Niall to cry. He wanted to see him smile. Smile his beautiful smile. Niall his head laid down on Zayn his chest. 

“I had no choice.” Niall said sadly. 

“I know.” Zayn muttered. They stood there for minutes, maybe even hours. Than Zayn changed his mind. Niall was still married to Liam. Zayn didn’t want to be just friends. He wanted more, more than being friends with Niall. He loved Niall to pieces, cared about him. But Niall was married. Zayn saw no other option than leaving. 

“I should go.” Zayn did a few steps back. Niall looked at him sadly. Zayn picked up his jacket and turned around. Niall smiled at the ground and then looked up right into Zayn his eyes. 

“I’ll see you soon then.” Niall said with a little smile. Zayn didn’t reply.

“Say it back.” Niall looked at him desperately. 

“When I say it, you say it.” Zayn looked out the window. He wanted to say it, he wanted to see Niall again. His Niall. 

But not as friends. 

“Remember?” Hope appeared into Niall his eyes. Zayn turned around and walked towards the door.

“Zayn?” Niall screamed hopeless. The hope disappeared in his voice.

“Just say it, Zayn. Say it back to me, like you always do.” Zayn slowly turned around, looking to Niall for the last time in his life. Tears began to well up in his eyes. He had no other choice.

“Goodbye, Niall.”


End file.
